At the time of Mark's diagnosis, my mother had just finished up her own treatment for aggressive breast cancer. We had recently moved back to New Jersey, and we were renovating our first home. I was working on getting my own career as an educator back on track after my active role in my mother's treatment. Mark and I were 28 and 27 and very happily married. We had known each other since childhood. We were planning on having children shortly. All of that came crashing down just before Thanksgiving 2003, when Mark showed me the lump under his arm.
During Mark's illness, I started the Yahoo Group for young cancer spouses because I felt so isolated as a 27-year-old wife of a cancer patient. Mark was young and strong, so despite the aggressiveness of his lymphoma, he was expected to get through the very tough chemo and achieve a lasting remission. But for reasons no one understands, the chemo stopped working just after our fourth wedding anniversary. We fought cancer as a couple - I was with him every step of the way, in every way possible. I was the one who did most of the ranting and crying for us both, while Mark concentrated on somehow trying to get better.
Mark told me repeatedly that he would not go anywhere without me - although in the end, that choice was not his to make. Despite a vigorous, stubborn fight, Mark's battle with Burkitt's lymphoma ended on October 17, 2004, peacefully, at home.
As I write this in March 2007, my life continues to change. I am gradually getting my career in education back on track. I have made many new friends, gone back to school, moved, and have begun to learn how to live with loss through it all. It is a work in progress, and it takes time.
Most recently, though, I have been blessed to have learned to love and build a life with someone new - Lisbi Abraham. Lisbi has been incredibly understanding and supportive of my grief journey and continuing love for Mark, even though he himself has not experienced being a young cancer spouse or being widowed. I am happy to announce that Lisbi and I will be getting married this coming summer. Getting remarried will not mean that I will forget Mark in the least, or not miss him. However, being able to move past the terrible pain of acute loss in order to see the possibilities of love in my life is, to me, a testament to Mark's and my love and his faith in me. He would want me to embrace life, and be happy, and have new dreams to work toward once again.
I had the gift of the incredible love of an amazing man who died far too soon. Despite the pain of caregiving and the pain of Mark's death, I would do it all again in a second. Having him in my life was, and continues to be, a gift and a reason to keep living every day in the best way I can. The Yahoo Group and this website are labors of love, and my efforts are dedicated to Mark's memory. I will always miss him, and he will be beside me and in my heart every day of my life.