How to motivate an uninterested family?

[MPC]

My husband has stage IV brain cancer (glioblastoma multiforma). I have been juggling for 8 months now. I work and take care of EVERYTHING. It has gotten to the point that I have taken a leave from work. I am exhausted. Even my husbands 10 year old nephew commented on how tired I look. My family helps, my mom comes on her days off to care for Greg, a few friends come and help but our circle has become so small I hate even asking them for help. His family is no where to be found. His brothers seem to think, well who knows they don't call;. His dad on ocassion will help when I call and beg. Could this get any more humiliating. It's their son/brother, and I am at my wits end. Oh, and to add salt to a wound his mother is telling all kinds of stories about how I just want to take his money. While I would love to cut my losses and just write them off..It would make me as low as they are. Any suggestions on how to get people who offer to help to actually help?

Thanks!

MPC

[Windmajik]

When my husband was ill and I had been caring for him 24/7 for 18 months by myself I set up a website at http://www.caringbridge.org/ . It was helpful to chronicling his journey through the rough time but it also kept everyone informed as to how he was doing. I didn't fluff things over at all on it but posted several times a day to let people (his family that hadn't been there for us) know exactly how bad he was doing without glossing anything over. I said on there, "Okay all you people that have offered to help...I'm calling you on it now because I'm exhausted and I can't do it alone anymore." I also made it clear that they needed to offer to do things because I wasn't always sure what I needed help with because I was so used to doing everything myself. One person offered to do the laundry, another to clean my kitchen. Another would sit with him while I went to grocery shop (I had been using a delivery service). It may seem strange to allow other people to do basic household things that you are used to doing yourself but you'd be amazed how much stress it can take off your shoulders. I remember the feeling of facing "mount laundry" and feeling completely overwhelmed. I was surprised how many people stepped up. I wasn't shy about saying exactly what he/I/we needed. Just a suggestion. Maybe it was a bit of guilting them into stepping up to the plate but he was their brother and there was absolutely no reason why they shouldn't have been helping me.