Lost all hope and nearing the end

[2MonthsOff]

After surgery, 16 weeks of chemo, 25 frames of radiation we thought we were clear of her stage 4 stomach cancer as of mid February.

During a routine follow-up CT scan late February, the radiation oncologist mentioned there were fluids in her abdomen, but it was a common side effect to receiving radiation to the stomach. We wanted to "be sure" so we insisted on a drain and cytology for peace of mind. The cytology came back positive for malignancy, and it dramatically changed the landscape.

We were told the cancer had spread to the entirety of the abdomen walls and that it was a bad, bad development. Her regular oncologist suggested there was not much to do other than more chemo to slow the spread, but also referred us to a surgical oncologist.

We talked with the surgical oncologist and he started looking into CRS+HIPEC, which is dramatic surgery in which her abdomen walls, uterus, overies, spleen, portions of colon and intestine, and anything else non life essential would be removed, and she would received hot chemo on the operating table during the procedure. We were quoted a 10% chance of getting 5 years from this, 30-40% to get 2 years, and 50% of it making no difference.

We pursued this, setting up appointments with Dr Bartlett in Pittsburgh and Dr Sardi in Baltimore. Prior to heading there (we are in Milwaukee), we did as much of the pre-op work-up here locally. During the pre-op PET, metastasis to her spine was discovered, and we were told surgery was now off the table.

There are no more options. She is going to die very soon. She is in constant pain. We have to go in to the hospital once a week to get her abdomen drained for comfort reasons. Likewise with palliative radiation to her spine to alleviate the pain there. The pain meds make her nauseated.

She goes to dark places constantly. This was a strong, incredible woman. I'm so angry that our life was taken away. And there is nothing more I can do but watch her die. I don't know what to do anymore. I have to be strong and positive in front of her, but I'm getting so tired. When she goes, I want to follow her.

[JBaker]

2months,

Suck it up as best as possible as this is the ride you are on and it stinks! I am sorry to hear of the progression and the ick prognosis for continuing to attempt to keep the met's at bay for more time. It does not play fair for sure. For my wife we prayed twice to have surgery once for a lung removal and second for brain surgery, but both of those there were met's in other places so as with your surgery it could not be done. The wacko surgeries we will consider just to get some more time...just a little bit more, please???

On the semi silly side long prior to cancer entering my wife and my life, I joked that I was supposed to go first and she was to follow a day later over grief of my loss. Obviously it did not happen that way. It hurts like heck but I do need to stick around for our sons to have one parent to grow up with. Still the heart aches and yearns for the one we lose. It takes years for the heart to ease off but the open spot is always there. Even if you find a new person to date it still will never be the same as it was before. Our innoscense to life has been erased, but we must go on as the rest of the world does as well.

I know some including "I" got on your case from the early part of your joining, but please know from me and I assume others that still your hurt and feeling are still real as our's have been as well. Just wish the intro part had not been navigated the way it did. Glad you still come and post.

Please take care and try to stop and smell the roses or tulips if they are in bloom as of now, if you can. Be there for her despite it being hard. Share whatever time you two have left.

Jim

[ellie717717]

So sorry to hear of this development......

Ellie