You have your own feelings and struggles about your spouse being terminal. Often, your feelings are overlooked, and you may not have anywhere to vent your feelings about the fact that your spouse is dying. Here is your place to talk about how YOU feel when your spouse is terminal.
Things they don't tell you when the love of your life is dying...
-That you will sit up all night watching him breathe and have a slight panic attack when he stops for a few seconds. -That he will stop really caring about anything, no strong emotion, never really happy, never really sad -That the person who could make you laugh can't even initiate a conversation. -That the man who was your strength and your rock can barely stand by himself and is quite content to let you do everything for him. -That calling his phone and getting his voice mail can send you over the edge because his voice sounds so strong and vibrant while now it is thin and weak. -That your 10 year old little girl will ask, with tears running down her cheeks "what will we do without him?" -That you will honestly answer that question with an "I don't know." -That this same precious child will tell you that while she is sad she is also worried about you and when that makes you cry, she will be the one to comfort you.
My heart is with you. I barely slept for days at a time because I was listening to Adam breathe. There is no way to describe this experience, and when Adam and I got to a similar place, it really felt like no one had ever been there before, like no one could have possibly prepared me.
I'm so sorry. I wish that I had better words tonight. I will check in with you elsewhere very soon...
There are details that "us" that have lost just do not feel it is quite right to dump on others so they will not know to much to quick on things. Some of this does or does not always happen, but still many of the things you list do occur. Just is heartbreaking to deal with. My wifes voice is still on answering machine good and strong and in just a no nothing important thing, just a message on the machine to tell callers to leave number and the rest. One of the few candid non set up things of just simple life in general. I always hated the set up photos of the proverbial "Death Shots" of others that take pictures for the just in case reasons. Damn those really hit hard when we see them getting set up as folks are getting ready to leave. Take pictures when any othertime they would have never taken them.
Please take care and know you are in a normal place dealing with this.
Gloria, Wife to the Great Ron Diagnosed colon cancer stage III Jan 07, Surgery Feb 07; Chemo Mar 07; Diagnosed Stage IV & chemo Nov 07; chemo Apr08; under Hospice 9/08, Passed away Oct 18, 2008 http://ron-santos.virtual-memorials.com/