Not sure if it's healthy, but...

[ajenks22]

The way I cope is to stay up late for quiet time. Usually I spend the time working or handling tasks, but sometimes I lie on the couch and watch Leno.

I am certain that sleep would be a better choice, but right now I am grateful for that peaceful time when not a creature is stirring (expect me).

Andrea

[karen]

Andrea -

I used to do that too. I would stay up cleaning and organizing at first (long story short, our apartment had to be put back together right when Mark was newly diagnosed). Then later, I would often take a little while and watch taped shows and do a jigsaw puzzle. It was a weird combination - CSI and other such shows and a Homer Simpson puzzle - but it worked for me. It calmed me down to watch shows about lives that were often even more torn apart than mine, and concentrate on the little, insignificant details of a mosaic jigsaw puzzle.

--Karen

[gilleska]

I remember doing sudoku puzzle after sudoku puzzle in the emergency room whenever we had to go to an emergency room due to post-chemo infections. The puzzles required my complete attention, which meant there was less room in my brain for "catastophic ruminations," as my best friend calls them.

[francesca]

by the end of May i was on a first name basis with the night guard at the Emergancy Room and he let me change the tv channel in the waiting room ... everyone had to watch the season finale of HOUSE , i guess i had a face that that nobody wanted to mess with after so many sleepless nights

[jeffhlewis]

During the week I've finally gotten back into the gym habit every day which is great. I'm eating healthier too (mostly because she's not here to cook for me! haha). Aside from that during the week i come home and either clean stuff, do home improvements, or work on freelance web development stuff that I occasionally do on the side.

During the weekends i usually spend the whole time with my buddies watching sports or going to grab some drinks at night...i feel guilty doing this sometimes because it almost feels like I'm single again (don't worry, I'm the most faithful loyal guy on the planet) but these times with my friends are what keeps me from going stir-crazy in my condo.

Man she's only been gone for a week and it feels like a month!

[ajenks22]

Jeff,

I completely understand the 'gone a week, feels like a month' feeling. One reason I stay up so late is because it is so hard to crawl into that empty bed all alone. I stay up until I'm so tired that sleep is certain the second I hit the pillow. The house feels ghostly quiet without him and never seems very warm.

Have fun out with your buddies. I go out with my girlfirends once a week. We all have young children, so we usually go to their country clubs (I don't make enough to belong to one) and put the kids in the childcare center while we eat and chat. It's fun for everyone. So, as I sip on my Mexican Martini with my girlfriends, my mental and emotional health is improving. It's probably the only time I truly laugh all week.

Hang in there. We're here for you.

Andrea

[karen]

Andrea and Jeff -

I know it's nowhere near the same as having your loved ones there, but body pillows help fill that space in that bed and make it slightly easier to sleep without your spouse there. I got a body pillow after two lousy nights of sleeping alone after Mark died. (Before he died, I usually only slept alone when I wasn't home, and that was in a twin bed, which made it a little easier.)

Hang in there.

--Karen

[sunshineblossom]

when I was gone and away from Sean he would play games on his computer and would stay at home. I know that he would love to go out and do things and seeing as I am approaching the one year mark he is starting to go stir crazy. I am so tired of holding him back and it makes me feel bad because I need so much help. I have however gotten him to go out once with his friends and he enjoyed it and I am trying to show him that I am getting better and we can start living life with the girls and look into the future.

[shaun]

I try to find some quiet time for myself... it's usually early in the morning when John is still sleeping. I check my email, update his website, have a cup of coffee and just try to de-stress a bit. I just started having my friends over once a month after work for a couple of hours to scrapbook.

Since I work full time, going out after work is hard. I feel like I need to be home to make dinner and get John anything he needs. But, I do go for very early morning coffee breaks with my friends at least every couple of weeks.

It's hard to keep up with everything- work, the house, taking care of John and raising the boys- but I wouldn't want to be anywhere else but here. Each day is a gift and I'm trying to live in the moment.

One of my friends, who lost her husband a year ago, totally changed her schedule. She said the nights were the hardest time, so she would come home from teaching, eat dinner and go to bed at 7 pm. She said it was easier to be alone in the morning than at night.... she's gradually getting back into a more normal routine, but she said it really helped in the early months.

Shaun